Two golden nuggets from the Love Lab

Posted by on May 14, 2012 in inspirations | 0 comments

A few of us from Opus Group NW went to hear John Gottman share his new research on the art of a healthy relationship.  He is famous for the Love Lab that he and his team created in partnership with the UW.  With this lab he has tons of great science on what works.  His books are worth a read as they provide advice that is easy to apply to your relationship.  However, there were two nuggets I wanted to share as they are applicable to both personal and professional clients.

The first is to be mindful of your heart rate when you are in an upset with a co-worker or sweet heart.  If you are anything like me the heart rate elevates until I can feel it pounding which then cause a string of body reactions.  Well, according to the research if your heart rate goes beyond 100 you would be WISE to stop and take a break.  When our heart rate exceeds 100 then we are in the fight/flight mind set and we have a decreased ability to listen, paraphrase or be creative.  Continuing a conversation from this place can often just create harm.  So stop, drop and breathe.

The other nugget is to check and tend to the balance on your bank account – that is your relationship account.  This account gets full when you share common passions with your partner.  As parents it is really easy to focus on the kiddos and leave the marriage a bit dry, withered and gasping for Life.  Couples with out children tend to find something that draws attention away from the partnership which can leave you talking about everything but each other.  I know, that can be scary territory to look your sweetie in the eyes and just be with the one you love.  Heck, start with 10 seconds and see what happens to your accounts.

staying married, john gottman's research

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